Helping Children When Someone is Very Seriously Ill

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When someone we love is very seriously ill it can be difficult to know the best way in which to help children cope. Serious illness can raise the same uncertainties and fears in children as they do in adults. Often they will have other secret fears too. Children who have lived through circumstances that are similar to your own have been very clear about their needs.
At this most important and precious time children, teenagers and young adults need to:

	have the opportunity to be involved and included
	have the opportunity to talk and ask questions
	have their concerns and fears directly addressed in order to make sense of this time
	have adequate information that is not confused by adult or medical language
	be listened to carefully
	be reassured that they are not to blame. Youngsters are often quick to take on a guilt role.

These are demands on you at a time when your personal resources can be very low and you may not be able to fulfil all of this. Please remember, however, that you are doing the best that you can.

You are the person who knows your child intimately, be guided by them. Unfortunately though, it is not always possible to predict how they may react to understanding the implications of this very serious illness, and in part their reaction will depend on their age.
Young children under 5 years may need to ask for regular explanations and reassurances, and can change their behaviour in seeking to feel more secure.

Aged 6 to 12 years, your child may ask lots of curious questions in trying to understand the meaning of this illness. On occasions they may revert to younger more dependant behaviours. Some children might feel a bit stuck and unsure about their feelings, perhaps becoming quiet or withdrawn, or angry and destructive.

All children may carry on with their usual activities and show no reaction to Mum or Dad's illness. These are all possible responses and are natural and normal.

Being a teenager can be a confusing time in itself, however adjusting to the implications of this serious illness can result in strong reactions. They also might revert to younger behaviour, or conversely, become very adult. Teenagers sometimes find it difficult to talk about their feelings, and it may be useful to encourage them to get extra support from a friend, member of the family or perhaps someone outside the family.

It is also helpful at this time to continue with as much structure and routine in the day as possible. This helps children feel safer and calmer. Often school has an important role to play in helping at this time. Being aware of your child's needs, they can often give extra support.

I hope this information has been helpful to you.


Leaflet written by Jean Aitken, Palliative Care Counsellor

NHS Lanarkshire Therapeutic Support in Cancer and Palliative Care
Beckford Lodge,
Caird Street,
Hamilton, ML3 0AL

Telephone 01698 285828